Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
