y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
