a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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