Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
