She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
These tits shall not be calmed
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
