Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, beer. Big fan.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
