If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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