there's paper in my vomit.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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