hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
