i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
