Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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