you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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