Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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