it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
