you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
