Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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