she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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