We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
