I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
