for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
