i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
