Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
