im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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