i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
