If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
