i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
