when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
