Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
