escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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