Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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