Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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