I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
