no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
