my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
