I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
