My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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