he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
