Please don't use social media to get back at me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
