You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
