Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
