Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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