my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
