do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
