i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
