and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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