Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
