It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
