Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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