Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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