and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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