I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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