wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
